


Evans Second Chance (kind of)

by musical_emo_04



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Connor Needs A Hug, Eating Disorders, Evan Needs a Hug, Everybody Lives, Fluff, Jared needs a hug too, M/M, Maybe even Heidi, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, So does Zoe, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-06 19:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17945405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musical_emo_04/pseuds/musical_emo_04
Summary: It’s a month after everyone knows the truth about Evan’s friendship with Connor. When Evan goes to kill himself in the same place Connor did, he gets a surprise.Or the fanfic where Connor comes back to life





	1. Getting Rid of the Problem

Evan walked through the forest. He looked down at the phone in his hand, the time read 2:50. School would be out soon. Not that it mattered to him. He hadn’t bothered to go to school today. What was the point? Why go and face everyone again and again? See them all staring at him, listen to their whispers that they didn’t bother to hide. He deserved all of it. He had lied to them. 

He lied to them about being friends with Connor Murphy. He lied to the only girl he’d ever loved, while dating her.

He had kept telling himself things would get better, but they didn’t. In the month that had passed, nothing had changed. He was still cornered by bullies. His only friend ignored him every chance he got. The teachers gave him disapproving stares all through class. His own mom hated him, though she wouldn’t say it out loud. It seemed everyone had a problem.

So he would get rid of the problem...himself.


	2. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor comes back.

All Connor remembered was falling, and hitting the ground. The dirt underneath him was hard and cold. He felt stiff, like he'd been asleep for a long time.

He got up cause there was no point in feeling sorry for himself that he hadnt died. He started brushing off the dirt when he noticed his surroundings.  
"What the hell am i doing in a cemetery?" He turned around and read the headstone that was behind him.

"Here lies Connor Murphy, caring brother, beloved son. R.I.P."

The first thing that came to his mind was what drugs was he on, also whats this strange feeling? There was a tight feeling in his chest like something was pulling him in a certain direction. He was already having the weirdest day. So why not see where it leads?

He let the feeling guide him in the direction that felt right. Something still felt wrong and stressful, so he hurried in a half-jog that eventually became a sprint. He recognized his surroundings as the last place he had seen before he died... if he had died. Finally he came to the cliff and standing at the edge was a boy he thought he would never see again. Evan Hansen was about to kill himself and he would no let that happen.

Unsure of what he was doing or why he put his hand in front of him and untangled the knot in his chest, thats what he called the feeling, and Evan was forced backward. Connor wasn't sure what exactly had just happened but now wasn't the time to think about it. He pinned Evan who was struggling to get up again. He opened his eyes and stared in shock at Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have put something better for the gravestone but I didn’t have anything better.  
> Also I wrote this awhile ago on a different website so it’s kinda trash, but i’ll Probably edit it for the sake of making it better.


	3. What is going on?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some weird things happen and Connor saves Evan.

Evan Didn't understand what was happening. One minute he was ready to let go of everything and the next he was falling in the wrong direction. Why couldn't one thing go right for him, just for once.

Then things got weirder. When Evan finally opened eyes Connor freaking Murphy was pinning him to the ground. That's when a thought came to Evan. _What if he was dead, and that was why Connor was here. but then why did everything look the same?_

"Hansen, Earth to Hansen." Evan's train of thought broke and he came back to the real world.

"Yeah?"

"Can I let you up or are you going to run back to the cliff as soon as I let you go?"

Evan thought about this question. Did that mean that Evan hadn't died, that he was very much alive and so was Connor. If that was the case then why was Connor here. Connor was dead and last time Evan checked, the dead couldn't come back to life. So then why was Connor here and why wasn't Evan dead? All this was too much for Evan. Tears started streaming down his face as anxiety kicked in.

"Hansen?" Connor didnt like it when people cried. He didnt know how to comfort them or how to help them stop crying.

"Hansen im going to let you up, but don't try anything okay?" Evan nodded and Connor slowly got off of Evan, but stayed close enough so he could stop Evan if he tried anything. Evan just sat on the ground sobbing. He hadn't cried for a long time. All the emotion from everything had built up like a balloon filled with too much air, or a soda that had been left in the freezer. Now it exploded. Letting everything spill out.

(Time Skip)

Evan sat up after all his tears were spent. He felt empty and hollow inside. He looked around and saw that Connor was sitting near him. After what felt like forever, Connor realized that Evan had stopped crying and was looking at him with red abused eyes.

"You good Hansen?" Evan only nodded.

"Okay, well lets get you home. How does that sound?" Evan didn't answer this time. He only stared at Connor with his emotionless eyes.

"Come on Hansen, talk to me." Connor's voice had come harsher then he meant, but Evan didn't seem to notice the harshness. He just continued to stare.

"I'm going to carry you, okay? Did you bring a car or walk?"

Evan didn't answer right away an it didn't seem like he was going to answer at all.

"I-I d-drove." His voice was void of emotion and sounded like his body was on autopilot while his mind was somewhere else.

For some strange reason that Connor couldn't understand, was that he felt worried towards Evan's lack of emotion. He was also very glad that Evan had driven here and not walked. Connor picked up Evan bridal style and started walking. The small boy was unsurprisingly light.

(Time Skip)

The walk to the car had been extremely quite, except for the sound of Connor's boots crunching on dead leaves. Or sometimes the occasional bird would tweet.

Evan hadn't seemed to noticed that he had been moved from one place to another. It was as if his mind had been broken. He didn't show it, but Connor was really concerned about Evan's behavior.

Once they made it to the car, Connor opened the passenger seat and placed Evan inside. He then buckled Evan's seatbelt because he may be Connor Murphy, but he still followed the rules of the road, at least when it came to other’s people’s safety.

"Okay Hansen, I can't drive you home if i don't know where you live."

Without saying anything, Evan opened the glove department and took out an old piece of paper. He wrote down an address that Connor hoped was his. Then Evan went back to staring out the window. Connor started up the car and started the silent car ride to Evan's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh another chapter. It took me awhile to edit this. I made a lot of mistakes, but hopefully I fixed them all. If you spot any mistakes please let me know. And thanks for reading this.


	4. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm?

Just as Connor had predicted the ride to Evan’s was very quite. When he pulled up ,to what he assumed and hoped was Evan's house, he cut the engine and turned to Evan.

"Want me to carry you inside Hansen?"

Evan shook his head and opened the passenger door. He walked up to the front door and found the key under the doormat. He unlocked the front door and walked inside, leaving the front door open for Connor.

After taking the key out of the ignition and locking the car he followed Evan inside. After he closed the door and locked it he then followed Evan up the stairs to what he guessed was Evan's room.

Evan flopped on his bed and almost immediately fell asleep.

With nothing to do, Connor sat on the floor and found that his phone was somehow in his hoodie pocket. He pulled it out and started looking through his phone to see what he had missed in the past few...months? He wasn't sure how long he'd been dead.

Connor was surprised that he hadn't gone in to shock through all this. Maybe cause he was so focused in helping Evan. His mind started to wander as he continued to scroll through his phone.

Many things were new, like the fact that Zoe was now dating Alana Beck. She must have finally come out to Larry and Cynthia, Connor thought to himself. Wonder how that conversation went. Larry probably yelled a lot and Cynthia probably pretended to not approve to be on Larry's good side

Connor did not miss his parents one bit. With luck he wouldn't ever see them again since he was "dead". Zoe on the other hand he would see again. Maybe apologize for being such a jerk to her.

Connor shook himself out of those thoughts and payed attention at what he was scrolling through. Apparently Jared ate another bath bomb, which wasn't surprising to him. 

A couple of vine compilations made him laugh. Which felt good.

Then Connor came across something that he wasn't sure how to feel about.

What the fuck is _the Connor Project_?


	5. Evan has some explaining to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor found out about the Connor Project. Evan has to explain and tell him about everything that happened while he was...dead? How will Connor react? How will Evan take the reaction?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally do not have anxiety bad enough to have panic attacks. I know only know from what I’ve read and what I’ve seen while helping a best friend through one. So, yeah.....

Evan woke up slightly dazed. He had just had the weirdest and craziest dream his mind could possibly think up.

He had tried to kill himself and Connor Murphy had stopped him. Evan knew that was impossible cause Connor had been dead for months. Maybe it had all been a big crazy dream...or a coma. A coma would be great. Cause that would mean that he hadn’t tried to kill himself, and Connor Murphy did not come back from the dead.

Evan heard something shift in his room and he froze. Who was in his room. He knew his mom was at work so it couldn't be her. Besides she doesn't exactly care anymore. Was it a burglar, or something worse?

Evan's breathing picked up and he started hyperventilating. _Shit not a good time for a panic attack_ , he thought to himself.

Then Evan saw the shoulder length hair and black hoodie. It was Connor asleep on the floor with nothing but a pillow. Which funnily enough reminded Evan of those "when you spend the night at your friend's house and they don't offer you a blanket" meme. He calmed down a bit, but that only lasted for a second. 

Wait Connor was in his room. Why was Connor in his room? Was it not a big crazy dream? Unfortunately it seemed that Evan was still very much alive, and so was Connor. Evan had to go to the bathroom, but Connor’s long, lithe body was taking up a big portion of the floor space I front of his bed. Evan wasn’t sure if he should even try to get down, maybe just hold it and hope Connor woke up soon. Of course that was the moment when his stomach growled and he realized he hadn’t eaten  _anything_  in the last, he looked at the clock to see that it read 2:00am, two days. He couldn’t ignore two needs at one time. He would just have to somehow get over The Great Wall of Murphy. (Evan made bad jokes when he was stressed)

Evan slowly lifted himself into sitting position. He felt his sore body protest the movement, another reason why what had happened was not a dream. He stretched his legs so that they hopefully wouldn’t give out on him while he was climbing over the sleeping boy on his floor. Evan started to imagine what would happen if he were to so rudely wake Connor like that. In Evan’s mind, it led to death. Not really, but when you were Evan everything ended in death. He slowly convinced himself that everything would be fine. His stomach growled again.  _It’s now or never Hansen_  he thought to himself.

Evan slowly stood on his bed and started to slowly crouch. The springs in his bed let out a groan in protest. Evan was kind of short for his age, but hopefully his legs would be just long enough to get over Connor’s skinny figure. He slowly stuck one of his legs out and over Connor. When it hit the ground, Evan did a little happy dance in his mind. He stretched out his other leg a little. Evan had a chair with wheels over by his desk. If he could reach it, he could you use it as support to get his other leg across. He reached out for it. His hands so close to the chair. Just half and inch was all he needed to get a hold of it. 

Than he heard Connor give a little snore. Evan panicked for a second thinking that he was about to wake up, but Connor was still fast asleep. Evan was glad because this situation would be quite hard to explain.He went back to the task of reaching for the chair. He almost had it. His hand was hovering over it. Hand then Connor rolled over.

Evan’s foot had been almost right up against Conners back. As he rolled over, it pushed Evan’s foot forward causing him to lose his balance. He made a grab for the chair but missed and fell backwards. Right on top of Connor.

"What the fuck! Connor yelled sitting straight up and rubbing his eyes. He looked ready to kill someone, that someone was probably Evan.

"U-uh, I’m s-sorry Connor. I w-was just trying t-to g-get over you t-to make some f-food. A-and then you k-kind r-rolled over and kn-knocked me o-off balance." Evan’s stuttering was at a maximum. He thought he had been doing better, but he guessed he was wrong. 

Connor’s face softened a bit. "It’s okay Hansen, kinda my fault anyway for sleeping right up against your bed." He rubbed the back of his head and started going through last nights events while Evan went to the bathroom. His face hardened when he remembered what he had seen on his phone before he went to sleep. Evan walked in through the door and froze when he saw Connor’s expression. He was like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Evan<" Connor’s voice was low and menacing. "What in the name of Hell...is the Connor Project."

Evan had totally forgotten about the Connor Project. Of course he would tell Connor the truth, but how would he tell him without making him angry. Evan’s anxiety started to kick in. He didn’t want another person angry and disappointed with him. He had more than enough of those. 

"U-um w-well I-it’s a p-project w-with y-your name I-in it," that was a good answer...right? He was kind of hyperventilating now.

"No shit Sherlock, but what does it consist of," Connor was getting angrier and Evan was getting shakier.

Evan turned and followed the fight or flight reflexes that had kicked in. He ran down the stairs to get a glass of water before he died of dehydration. Connor slowly followed staring at Evan the entire time. Evan was in the corner with tears streaming down his face, shaking and breathing fast. Connor was still slightly angry at him, but it was obvious that he was going through something right now, and Connor had to help him. 

He rushed over to Evan and tried to remember what to do when someone is having a panic attack. He racked his brain as fast as he could and finally remembered something.

"Breath Hansen, try to match my breathing."

Hopefully that would help a little bit. It seemed to. Once Evan got his bearings a little bit, he looked at Connor and then buried his head in his arms. He kept saying, "I’m sorry, I’m sorry," to Connor over and over. Connor didn’t know what Evan was sorry for but he forgave him. He told Evan that multiple times while reminding him to breath. Evan had finally calmed down and taken his meds. Connor had left him to breath for a some time, and went in search in a hair-tye to put his hair up with. After searching a few minutes, he found one on a side table in the living room. He put his hair up and prepared to make some eggs for breakfast. Evan had moved from the corner to the dining table and was fiddling with his fingers. Connor was about to start cooking, when the door bell rang. 

Connor and Evan looked at each other with equal quizzacal looks. Who the hell was at the door? Evan got up and followed Connor to the door. Evan’s front door didn’t have a peep hole, so there was no way to know who was there. They both took a breath, and Connormopened the door. On the porch was beautiful girl in dark clothes and m happy expression on her face. 

"Ah, Connor good to see you again I missed my friend," She said looking at the tall brunette. Than looking at the small blonde she said, "And you must be Evan, I’ve heard about you."

Evan was too stunned to speak, but not Connor. 

"I’m sorry, but who the fuck are you?"

She looked surprised for a second and then faced palmed, " Oops, I totally forgot. Of course you wouldn’t remember me. My name is Kady and I guess you could call me your guardian angel."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the first chapter that I actually wrote for the first time in months. The other chapters I wrote awhile ago now I finally finished writing this one at...11:30 pm exactly. Hope you enjoyed the chapters should be getting a little longer hopefully. Please tell me if you notice any typos cause I’m sure I made some. I’m gonna go sleep now. Bye


	6. Emo Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s learn some more about this guardian angel.

Connor stared at the girl in front of him. _What the hell was she on,_ he thought to himself. _There’s no such thing as guardian angels, and if there were why the hell would Connor have/deserve one._ Connor realized it was still dark outside and this girl rang on the doorbell expecting them to answer at 2 am. _Yeah she’s definitely on something._

The girl in question was obviously pretty enough to be called an angle, but Connor was still convinced that angels don’t exist. Her hair was dirty blonde, almost brown. It covered half of her face, hiding one of her hazel eyes. She was kind of tall for a girl, 5’8 or 5’9, and her cheeks had a light dusting of freckles. She was wearing combat boots, which probably added to her height. Her black jeans were ripped, and her Linkin Park shirt was partly hidden by a black jacket that had, if Connor could see it, a Panic! At the Disco symbol on the back. Connor didn’t know much about angels, but weren’t they supposed to be dressed in white.

Evan was standing slightly off to the side of Connor as well as trying to hide behind the tall boy. He also didn’t know what to make from the girl standing on his porch. Still calming down from his recent panic attack, Evan didn’t really want to believe in the impossible right now. He really just wanted to go to bed and hope that his whole life has been a coma induced dream. But of course this wasn’t a coma induced dream, it was reality.

The girl, Kady, was wondering why no one had said anything. It had been silent for about a minute now and it was bothering her. Silence is deafening to her. She usually compensates with music when there’s silence, but it would be weird if she just started listening to music. She couldnt understand why Connor didn't recognized her, she was sure they had talked many times while he was dead...right? That was when it hit her. Connor didn’t have memories of the afterlife, he wasn’t supposed to. And like a dunce she went and forgot that. Well she kind of remembered that he wouldn’t remember that she was his guardian angel, but not that he would forget everything. Now she wasn’t sure what to say or do. 

"Um," she rubbed the back of her calf with her other foot out of awkwardness," You probably don’t remember me ‘cause no one returns from the afterlife with their memories. So I guess I’m going to have to explain everything all over again which is a pain. You know it would be nice if my siblings would warn me ahead of time instead of springing info on me at the last second. Sorry, I’m a talker. Can I come in?"

Connor looked at Evan for the answer since it wasn’t his house. Evan just gave a little nod and they both stepped out of the way so that she could walk in. As she did, Connor noticed the symbol on the back of her jacket. _What kind of angel is into emo bands...and looks like an emo_ Connor had many questions, and he wanted answers. Kady walked in and looked around the house. She turned back to look at them. The look in her eye told them that she was waiting for the questions that she knew were bouncing around inside their heads. 

Connor started, "Alright, so if you’re really a ‘guardian angel’ then why are you here? Honestly your life story would be greatly appreciated. And since when are angels emo?"

Kady just smiled since she had expected those questions, "Well to answer your last question, I’m the only emo angel you’ll see in the afterlife. All my other siblings are stuck-up and serious and all the way around no fun. I quote unquote, Killjoys. And they don’t even make any noise."

Connor had to admit that her My Chemical Romance reference was pretty great, 10/10

Kady continued to talk, "So I guess you could say I’m rebelling against them. I mean, you would too if you had to live with those ass holes. ‘Kady turn off that trash music. Kady what in the world are you wearing? Kady can’t you just do your job. Kady just be normal. Kady! Kady! Kady! It’s enough to drive someone into therapy, but I’m immortal so what’s the point in worrying about me."

"That sucks, but please continue," Connor 

"As to why I’m here, the dead that come back to life have to have someone to make sure they don’t spill the secrets of the afterlife. That’s only if someone actually gets to come back. To be quite honest, you’re the first person to get sent back in hundreds of years. Why I’m here specifically, is because you get to choose who your guardian angel is, and you chose me," She explained to both of them.

Now Evan had a question, "W-what is the afterlife l-like? Does H-heaven exist or..." Evan trailed off.

Kady smiled gently, "I don’t remember what it’s like. My siblings erased that part of my memories before they sent me here. That was why it took me awhile to get here. Other wise I would have shown up to save Evan, but instead I had to channel my power through you to save him." 

Understanding flooded through Connor’s mind, "So that was you. That feeling of direction that led me to Evan, and whatever force pulled him back from the cliff."

"Yeah, that was me," she said tiredly.

Connor just remembered something she had said, "What do you mean I chose you?"

Kady rubbed the back of her head trying to remember. It was hard since her memories were gone. She only had knowledge now, not experience, and she had to go off of that. "When you are allowed to be sent back you have to choose a guardian angel. One can’t be forced upon you. They have to be the right person for you. Someone you get along with and someone who will have your back, apparently that person was me."

"Oh," was all Connor could say.

There was silence in the house. Nobody could tell whether it was awkward silence or not. The two boys still had questions. They didn’t ask them though. Even didn’t because he didn’t want to bother her. Connor didn’t ask because he was afraid he wouldn’t like the answers. 

In the end, it was Kady that broke the silence. 

"What were you yelling at Evan about before I knocked on the door?"

"Well," Connor answered, "I had found this website on my phone called the Connor Project, and I wanted to know what the hell it was."

"Oh," was all she had to say.

"W-well its a w-website t-to help depressed and suicidal people k-kind of. W-we c-called it the C-Connor P-Project in y-your honor," Evan stuttered while fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Y-your parents s-saw your name o-on my c-cast and they...they thought t-that we w-were friends. I t-tried to t-tell them the truth, b-but they d-didn’t listen. A lot h-happened after. I-i don’t r-really wanna talk about I-it right n-now."

Kady just nodded, she had figured as much. She had come across the Connor Project herself on one of her bad days. It was an amazing resource for depressed people, but of course useless to her. She couldn’t exactly tell them she was depressed because she was an unwanted angel.

Connor spoke up, "I’m sorry I yelled at you Evan. I’m also sorry for whatever happened while I was dead."

"D-don’t be," Evan felt better now that Connor had apologized.

"Now that you’ve two have kissed and made up. We need to discuss certain things. Like where you are going to stay, your education, and things like that." Kady brought up the topic she had been waiting to talk about. 

"Well," Connor sat on the ground because he figured this would take a while and he was really done with standing. "I can’t stay at Evan’s can I?"

"No," both Evan and Kady said at the same time. Evan looked down sheepishly.

"It’s n-not that I d-don’t want you h-here Connor, b-but if my mom were t-to see you than we w-would have a problem."

"Evan’s right," Kady agreed.

"It’s all good Hansen, I understand. But the question still stands of where I’m going to say, I assume you have somewhere in mind," Connor crossed his arms defensively.

"Yes, I do have somewhere in mind. I think you should come and stay at my house."

Connor was kind of taken a back by this, no one had ever really seemed to actually want him around. Kady just continued to talk as she did not realize what a big impact those ten words had.

"I have my own house because I obviously have no family. I already have a room for you. All your old clothes are there as well. Of course if there’s somewhere else that you want to stay, I could try to make that work for you, but I think it would be really fun for us to stay together-"

"I would love to stay with you Kady. As long as I can blast my music at 6 am in the morning."

"What music are we talking about though."

"You know, the good stuff. My Chemical Romance of course, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Green Day, and Linkin Park," he pointed towards her shirt.

"Sweet," she raised her fist in triumph." But there’s something else we should talk about...education."

"Ewwww," was all Connor had to say on the subject.

"Sorry Connor, but you still need an education."

"It’s not like I can exactly go to the same high school. I’m supposed to be dead if you haven’t noticed," Connor felt some venom creep in his voice and he did his best to take it out. "I can’t go to school, Kady. It’s just not possible."

"Tsk, tsk," she wagged her finger at him. "You forgot that you have a guardian angel now." 

Kady snapped her fingers. Evan, who had been dozing off in a chair for a little while now, suddenly jumped as if he had been shocked. Where Connor had been standing before, was a different person. He didn't look like Connor at all. His hair was raven black and short, eyes emerald green, but his skin was still pale. Kady pulled a mirror out of thin air and handed it to Connor. He took one glance at his new look and his mouth dropped like an anchor.

"I can hold this 'spell' all day. Which will allow you to go to school just fine. We'll probably have to come up with, at the least, a new last name. But we can talk about that later, for now lets go to my house and get you settled in. Tomorrow we can do paperwork for that, 'kay?"

"S-sure," was all Connor could say. Up until now, he had seriously thought that maybe Kady was a mentally ill person. Now he couldn't explain why he looked like a rip off Harry Potter without the scar. Not to mention, that mirror had definitely come out of nowhere.

"Say goodbye to Evan," she prompted.

"Um, bye Evan. I guess i'll see you soon." He gave Evan a little wave.

"B-bye guys," Evan gave a tiny smile.

Kady put her hand on Connor's shoulder and raised her other hand. And with a snap both Kady and Connor vanished into thin air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...a decent sized chapter. Also the first chapter ive written from scratch in a while. I hope you like the original character ive added to this story. I crave validation so please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed.


	7. The Angel's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kady shows Connor around and we get to meet one of her asshole brothers.  
> This summary is kinda bad but I couldn’t come up with anything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s some minor abuse in this chapter. Kady gets slapped and references some other abuse she’s been through. Also mentions that they’ve tried to kill her and she’s tried to kill herself. Enjoy

Connor was disoriented. One minute he was seeing one of the soft blue walls of Evan's house, and the next he was looking at a warm brown living room that looked like a professional interior designer had created it. The room was breathtaking. Everything seemed to fit together perfectly. From the rug on the floor to the band posters on the walls. 

"I'm sorry if it seems like a bit much. I had a lot of time on my hands and designing my dream house was one of the things i did to keep my hands busy," Kady explained.

"No, no, it's very warm...and safe i guess." Connor tried to explain how he felt about the beautiful house. 

Kady just smiled and motioned for Connor to follow her upstairs. He guessed he would have to check out the posters later to see how many there were and what bands they were. The stair case was in a hallway that continued to what looked like a kitchen.

Connor felt himself sink slightly with each step. Looking down, he noticed that he had been walking on plush carpet with his dirty shoes. Looking behind him he saw a trail of footprints leading up to where he had just stepped.  _Shit,_ he thought,  _just what i need as my first impression. Leaving graveyard dirt all over her nice carpet._ Kady looked down from the top of the steps to see the hold up. She saw the footprints and didn't even blink.

"Oh don't worry about it. I'm not gonna get mad over some footprints."

Connor stared in disbelief. His parents would have probably been livid if he had tracked dirt in. This carpet looked expensive, and she didn't care?

Seeing his look of disbelief she quickly tried to convince him that everything was fine, "I can just clean it Connor, honestly. It's really not that big a deal. Just maybe take off your shoes now so you don't make more footprints and then get up here so you can get settled in."

He took his filthy shoes as quickly and as clean as possible. His sock covered feet sank into the plush carpet and he took a second to feel how nice it was. After a blissful moment of softness he quickly went after Kady who had already gone into the upstairs hallway. 

When he looked in to the hallway he found Kady kind of staring into space. 

"Yoohoo," he waved his hand in front of her face to bring her back down, " Earth to the angel."

She blinked and shook her head like she was trying to shake off whatever thought had been clinging to her mind. "Sorry I just was thinking about some things."

"No problem I was taking a while to get up here anyway," which Connor felt was kind of true.

"Well let's get on with this little tour," she pointed to the first door to the left," That's one of the bathrooms. I planned for it to usually be used by guests since our rooms have connecting bathrooms."

Connor hadn't seen the outside of the house, since they had basically teleported inside, but he guessed it was huge. 

"And the first door to the right is one of the guest bedrooms. The other one is downstairs. The next door to the left is kind of a library because im a huge reader. Feel free to borrow books from it and read all you want. There’s even a huge manga collection because I am a manga fiend. Just all I ask is that you keep them nice." They continued to walk down and while she pointed out doors. 

As Connor had guessed, the house was huge. There were two offices for different uses. Also a music room that had a grand piano from what he could see, as well as a cello and violin. After those three rooms the hall way turned and there were the bedrooms. One door was dark blue, almost black, and the other was white. 

"So the blue door is my room and the white one is yours. Any questions?"

"You're letting me have a door?" Connor asked in disbelief. His door had been taken off of his hinges because of 'bad behavior' and he had never seen it again.

"Well there is this thing called privacy that I think everyone likes to have so yeah...I'm letting you have your own door. I didnt know how to decorate your room so its blank right now with your stuff in boxes, and we can decorate it later however you like."

Connor really liked that. He started to imagine all the possibilities that he could do with the blank wall. He didn’t even know what color he wanted, but he knew it would look awesome. The atmosphere already felt better than that of his house. He felt more at home here than he had ever at that perfect pristine thing his parents had been so proud of. Perfect and flawless can go fuck themselves for all he cared.  _God,_ he thought, _just thinking about them makes me angry and depressed._

Connor reminded himself that he was not at his parents house and that he was starting over. That there was nothing to worry about right now.

”Well,” Kady clasped her hands and started to back out awkwardly, “I guess I will leave you to get settled in. The kitchen is open if you’re hungry and you can bother me if you need anything.” 

 Connor tried to say thank you. Give her some of the appreciation that he felt, but the words clung to his throat and he couldnt get them out. And by the time he felt he could say it, a door had shut  softly and Kady was gone. He half-hoped that she didnt think he was rude for not saying thank you. He closed his door and walked over to the bed in the far corner. He lay down on the bed, which was too soft and comfortable for words.

 _Why even worry about the fact that you didnt say thank you, when you should be worrying about the fact that you forgot your entire friendship with her_. It was the cold mean voice that haunted Conner's head. It had always been there, and Connor worried it would always be there. _You're probably the only friend shes had in years, and you just up and forgot everything_. **It's not my fault** , he told the voice, **i was made to forget everything by her brothers.** _Yeah you thought Zoe was bad, imagine having a bunch of winged assholes as your siblings._ **Shut up, I'm trying to sleep.** That seemed to do the trick because the voice quieted for a moment, and he drifted into sleep.

* * *

Kady laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling and checking the time again and again. After checking it for what felt like the 50th time, she decided she wouldn't wait to be summoned. She stood and stretched a bit. Breathing in and out, she focused and felt her wings unfurl. She looked at the white feathered wings that, at times, she hated with a deep passion. These wings made her what she was. Made her like  _them._ She flexed them and prepared to transport herself.

She didnt really know how to explain what flying was like. It was pretty much how the angels from  _Supernatural_ got around. She could go through walls and ceilings and shit. Basically no obstacle stopped an angel.

She felt a rush of cold air. Than she was...just where she needed to be. There was no looking down on the world at her leisure. There was no enjoying the flight. You just went from place to place. The place she needed to be right now was a totally white room. Everything was white from the desk and chair, to the ceiling and walls. It was blinding her to be quite honest. A door opened behind her and she turned around to meet a tan figure in a formal tux. One of her 'brothers', one of  _them._

"You're early Kady. You should have waited to be summoned," her brother Zachariah's long drawl bored her to death.

She crossed her arms, "I was tired of waiting."

"Patience is a virtue."

"So you've said, multiple times," Kady already wanted to go back. She didnt want to be here at all. She never did.

"Well lets get down to business, How is the human reacting?"

" _Connor,_ she emphasized, "Is reacting pretty well. He almost got angry over the whole 'Connor Project' spiel, but otherwise he's been fine"

"Has he remembered anything at all?"

"Nope, not a thing," she tried her hardest but her voice cracked.

"Ah," Zachariah said in realization, "You got your memories back didnt you. Well we tried, but thats another failed experiment." He turned around so his back faced her like she wasnt worth his time.

He was right of course, she had remembered everything when she had used her powers. Months of hanging out with the only friend she had had in decades. Now Connor didnt remember any of it. Barely even knew who she was and it was all her brother's fault. 

Kady's balled hands shook with rage, "Thats all i am to you, an experiment. Something that you can  _use_ to conduct your little tests over and over!"

Zachariah raised a hand and wagged is finger, "Ah, ah, ah, a failed experiment."

 "Screw you!" she yelled, "I never asked for any of this! None of it!" 

Zachariah whirled around so fast he was a blur. He closed the distance between them with inhuman speed and grabbed the front her shirt. Pushing her against one of the walls he got close to her face and whispered in a low threatening voice, "You listen here you ungrateful little shit. It doesn't matter what you did or did not want. Your opinion doesnt matter, in fact you don't matter. You were a mistake that heaven made and we can't take it back. We've tried, you've tried and we both failed.  So dont complain and maybe be grateful that you're still alive. Got it?"

Kady was to angry to speak. If she did she might explode. So she only nodded.

"Good," he let go of her shirt and turned to leave. He started to walk away when he said, "oh," like an after thought. "I almost forgot," he turned back toward her and slapped her across the face as hard as he could. Which was very hard considering how strong angels were. "That was for disobeying. Next time wait until you are summoned. Now leave, i dont want to see your face anymore."

Kady didnt even react to the slap. It hurt like hell, but she refused to acknowledge it. This wasnt the first time she had been slapped or hit, and it probably wouldnt be the last. She clenched and unclenched her hands and repeated a part of a poem. ' _I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.'_   And flew off as fast as she could.

When she arrived back to her room she considered just crying herself to sleep like she had done so many times after being slapped by one of her siblings. In the end though, she refused to cry and instead put headphones on and blasted My Chemical Romance at full volume.

She walked downstairs and through the hall that led to he kitchen. She grabbed a plastic bag and some ice and put it to her smarting cheek. That slap wasnt as bad as some of the punches she had received before, but she was still worried it would leave a mark. She wasnt in what some people called heaven anymore. She was on Earth and people were bound to notice that she had marks on her face.

She laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling, willing sleep to come and take her away. It refused, and the loud music was beginning to give her a headache. So she took off the headphones and turned on Netflix instead. She watched episodes of The Flash until the bag of ice had melted and her cheek was numb with cold.

She switched to The Umbrella Academy and made the plastic bag of water disappear. Making a blanket appear, Kady curled up and imagined the blanket was a barrier and that no one could get her under here. With that thought in her head she drifted off into uneasy sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg March 22nd was amazing. My friends and I cosplayed as My Chemical Romance from the Revenge Era. I was Mikey and it was fucking amazing. Multiple people thought I was a boy or a new student and honestly we just had a lot of fun. Sorry that there isn’t really any Evan in this chapter. I promise he will be in the next chapter. Let me know what you thought and if you find any typos.


	8. The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor has a dream of the past. His dead past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK BABY!!! So sorry for being gone for so long please please please enjoy this chapter.

Connor was watching himself float in endless darkness. From third person, as if he was someone else entirely. He wanted to know where the fuck he was.  _Why_ was he seeing himself float in a fucking black hole? Everything was so still, quiet, and fucking creepy. It seemed as if they were floating forward, to a destination of some kind. But it was really hard to tell with there being no light whatsoever. Except of course whatever was lighting the other Connor up.

Heh, other Connor makes him sound like a Coraline character. At least he didnt have fucking button eyes, but those would be really cool.  _Not the point Connor, you need to focus._ He listened to his conscience and tried to focus on what was happening. He could only see the back of his body from the angle he was at, and it was annoying him. His hair had leaves and dirt in it. The back of his hoodie had a whole ripped in it. Maybe from a stick or something.

The fact that he couldn't move was driving him crazy. If this was  _his_ dream he should be able to move. With that thought, he forced his, form or spirit or whatever, to move in a slow circle so he could see the front of this other Connor.

First of all, he looked like complete shit. In his opinion, Connor had never been attractive. But this Connor looked....dead.

His face was paler then normal, and gaunt. Like the skin was pulled tightly over the bone. Dark bags were under his eyes, like darker than normal. His face was also covered in a light dusting of dirt with tear tracks cutting a path down his cheeks.

His eyes, oh god his eyes. They made Connor shiver even though this black void wasn't cold in the slightest. 

This Connor's eyes were filled with grief and sadness. He had never believed that eyes were the windows to a persons soul, but seeing himself like this blew all and any doubt away. This Connor was miserable and lonely. He also seemed utterly empty. A deflated balloon in human form. What had happened to him?

Was this real? Had this been Connor at one point? When? Why was he seeing it now? 

So many questions filled his head, too many. He didn't have any answers to any of them.

He wondered for a second if this could be all a dream. After all the last thing he remembered was saying goodnight to Kady and then laying down. But it couldn't be a dream, the feeling of deja vu was too great. This was a memory, but one he was seeing from the outside.

A light slowly started to appear from far away. A small dot in the vast blackness. Oh great just what I needed. _I'm finally geting used to this and now it suddenly decides to change. Boy what a summary of my life._ The light slowly got bigger until it engulfed him. And suddenly, he was in a white room. 

A hospital room almost, but with out the medical equipment. It was just a room with a computer, desk, and bed. As Connor looked down he realized two things. One, he was in first person now and two, he was wearing all white now. 

As he tried to comprehend what the hell just happened, a knock came from the pristine white door. 

"Come in," Connor said automatically. Why did he say that. He didn’t want whoever was outside that door to come in. He wanted to know where he was, why he was here, and how did he get here? But of course like always he had no say in the matter.

A young handsome looking man walked in wearing a white suit. 

"Hello Mr. Murphy. How are you doing?"

Once again Connor’s body took control and he had no say in what was happening. "I'm doing quite fine. I understand that im probably in hell which is also quite fine and I'd like to know what my punishment will be."

"Oh don't worry there's no such place as hell so you're definitely not there."

"So who are you exactly?"

"Im the head angel of the greeting angels, Zachariah. The greeting angels are the ones that greet new souls to paradise."

"Oh okay. And what exactly did i do to deserve paradise?"

"You simply existed Mr. Murphy. And after i ask you a few questions you can go explore."

Connor just wanted to leave so badly. He didnt want to be here talking to one of Kaydy's brothers. He didnt have the same aura as she does. His is off putting and unpleasant while hers is sweet and protective. Like a spiky cactus with marshmallow filling. Old Evan had that kind of aura too before-

Connors train of thought was interrupted by his body answering for him, "Sure thing Mr. Z."

"So youre okay with how you died, right?"

"Of course i am. I killed myself didnt i?"

"Well yes but you dont have any regrets?"

Connor's body paused to think about it, "No."

"Well then thats all."

Connor was surprised. That had only really been one question but whatever he wasnt about to complain. Zachariah just gave a slight wave and disappeared. In Connors opinion, that was quite rude of him. He also thought that was something he would have done in his living days. 

Again without his consent, his body moved and turned the door knob. He looked outside to see a garden filled with people dressed in white. The style of clothing was all really different, but every piece of clothing was white. It was so bright he was almost blinded. Thank goodness their hair was all different or he would have lost it.

Moving along he looked for something different, anything different. Everywhere he looked, however, he only saw white. After what felt like hours of searching his past self was almost ready to give up, but that's when he saw it. In the never ending sea of white he saw a figure dressed in all black with wings on their back. Past him wouldnt know who it was, but Connor knew it was Kaydy. Who else would be dressed like a 2010 emo with wings? 

But of course as soon as he realized who it was, he woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was kind of a short chapter im sorry. I was just trying to finally write a new chapter. I have procrastination issues im sorry. I will try to get a new chapter out in at least 2 weeks if not 1. Please leave a comment and lemme know what you think or any constructive criticism you have.


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